I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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