I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
