Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Bring me that man meat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
