can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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