dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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