Umm I'm too high to move.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
