Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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