R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
