i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
