apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
