I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
