I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
