Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
