So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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