where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
