omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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