i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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