dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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