I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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