I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
