He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
