my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
