I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
