This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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