She's JV to your varsity
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
