Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
