it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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