I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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