no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
