Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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