what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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