I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
