Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
