so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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