woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
