I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
