i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
