I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
