You just made me feel so damn special
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
