my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
