I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
