i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
