i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
