I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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