this beer tastes like vomit already
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
