It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
