Who did Billy Mays play for?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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