You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
