I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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