no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
