every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have fence marks all over my body
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
