I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
