If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
