You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
