I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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